On relationships

I think about relationships a lot. It only makes sense that our romantic relationships are the most important ones we form in our lives. At least for me. We do not choose our family, our friends are our support system but a partner is someone we are programmed to form a unit with, someone who we are meant to have children with, and someone who is also going to be genetically imprinted in our legacy. 

In my opinion, emotions are superficial, people are not just angry, people are not just sad, people are not just happy, and these chemical reactions go deeper. What I mean is that people are not just angry, anger usually masks something else, sadness, unfulfilled expectations, and other things. Anger or any other reaction is always linked to a more complex emotion, often related to the unresolved, unprocessed issues you have.

I often observe people around me and spend a lot of time thinking on my own about structuring a blueprint for a successful, loving, deep relationship. A relationship that feels safe, in which I can be myself, I would not feel scared of fully surrendering to the person, because my needs are met, and I'm supported and perfumed in the sweetness of love. In reality, most people in a relationship are not happy, or rather content. They complain, they stay, they cheat, they settle for less than they deserve, and ultimately hurt each other. I view these couples and I know that's exactly what I do not want. And I do not want to end up like them. 

The foundation of having a healthy relationship, any relationship, not just romantic ones, comes down to the level of self-awareness of each individual. If you do not know yourself, how can you expect the other person to navigate you through the relationship and handle all of your flaws? No one is flawless, we all have our own trauma we all do mistakes. The more we are self-aware, the more compassion we will have for others, the better we can navigate through a difficult situations,s and the better we can communicate. 

It takes (at least) two people to be in a relationship. I barely figured myself out. With every phase in life, there will be new challenges and hurdles to overcome and this is going to be a constant in all of our lives. So the thought of two imperfect people that will forever be imperfect, co-existing in a symbiotic relationship is overwhelming.  There cannot be a blueprint, no manual, no guidance, no universal advice, it all comes down to trust and the willingness from both parties to commit to each other, love each other, and care for each other unconditionally. 

HOW? HOW does this even work? HOW can you build enough trust to give in, trust this person to not hurt you, and do everything at their best abilities to be a good partner to you? I know the theoretical answer but the real-life application is much more complex than that. Or at least I think I know the answer, you build trust by being vulnerable, being transparent, putting your ego aside, trusting yourself enough to do all of that, and building enough self-esteem to not feel resentful, to not feel hurt, when your expectations and needs are not met. Look for a genuine, kind, like-minded partner, whose values align with yours. Don't look for love, love can be deceiving.

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